the last year or so, depression ,loss and the forum
May 19, 2015 10:46:22 GMT
fanboy, LJG, and 26 more like this
Post by inee on May 19, 2015 10:46:22 GMT
Centenary gas posted the following line in another thread that started my post so i set up a new thread rathe than hijack someone elses
May 18, 2015 15:22:08 GMT 1 Centenary Gas said:
Sometimes you need to hit rock bottom...
Never a truer word spoken fella, as a lot of people know i thought i'd hit rock bottom 6 or so years back when my breakdown was in full swing, but i really hit rock bottom on 13-3-2014 when we lost our Ann-Marie Irene, it's been a long slog the past year or so, when the only way i could think of to end our pain was by joining her, you guys came through for me and wendy for that we are eternally grateful and can never ever repay the debt we owe to everyone.
Especially JTS to have him come to the house with a card and stuff so we could bury her in quaters with the club flag on her coffin was something that actually saved my life, and saved wendy from more pain.
i've never made any secret of my mental state rather ive shared it with my gas family on the O/S and here just for the simple reason if it strikes a chord with you or someone you know get fu cking help and fast, it's not poofy in fact it's the most sensible thing you can do.
We were on our hunches before she died(for those who have followed our posts i can now say Ann-Marie Irene actually died from a massive and violent epelectic fit, even if we were with her we could have done nothing, We were lucky(please dont judge us on that statement till you have read the next bit) as things panned out Ann-Marie Irene gave all of us a good night kiss, and told us she loved us, like she did every night, she even gave her brother a kiss and cuddle she said i love you but yer still a git. she was also in constant pain she would always say im not hurting ,but her eyes told a different story. Why were we lucky unlike many parents or even anyone who has lost someone close ,we got to say i love you , she died at home not in a strange place ,and finally in her short 21 years she was free of pain for the first time ever, i also managed to bring her home before what would have been her 22nd birthday ,was sh**ting myself as to wether i did the right thing, but wendy has said it helped her so much, we had no money due to me being out of work due to mental health issues
I have a very warped gallows sense of humour and found it amusing when we were thrown out of an undertakers, yes really, so we phoned the one on Glos rd and asked what could we do, we were told to contact canford, and had to have a paupers funeral, which turned out to be unbelievably good for me and wendy as the help offered was nothing short of amazing, ive included the last bit so if it should happen to someone you know there is a way out.
As for the funeral it went so well that Wendy was happy(wrong choice of words but i hope you know what i mean, a couple of people with scarves turnt up, but they were gone before we could get to speak to them (whoever it was thank you).
So what has it got to do with rovers, this coincided with an all time low for our club, it was the one thing me and Wendy had to cling on too during the worst moments of both our lives, everyone who sent well wishes Pm's donated etc ,will be in our hearts forever and im know for a fact that Ann-Marie would be both happy and overwhelmed for what you did for her mum, also have to thank BSS , i got contacted by brian and had hospitality for a match we couldn't have been treated any better by the club , Barry became our wine waiter, thanks Barry, we were set to leave then invited into box 1. it was a surreal moment that will live with Wendy forever, we were set to walk home but were told we would be taken home. and again we are grateful.
The FFS not only help with stuff for her burial but also invited us to an FFS do, we were in two minds whether to go but we are both glad we did, i did make a prick of myself by crying several times but everyone of you made us feel welcome and for me the killer from that day was when we were going home Wendy said she had never seen so much love and friendliness given too her in her life before, again you guys n gals couldn't imagine what effect that had on Wendy and her ability to start coping, and because Wendy had a little bit of her pain removed it allowed me to look forward instead of too the ground.
I still feel incredibly guilty and always will even though i could not do anything, i made Ann-Marie Irene a promise that as long as i was alive she would be safe, and no one would ever hurt her in anyway again(long story im not going into but although im technically her stepdad, she was my DAUGHTER end of. and feel that i dint keep my promise.
The FFS also sponsored Matt Taylor's away shirt in her memory again we are so grateful as everytime Taylor scored or got involved in a goal build up it felt as if She was sat with us, thanks again everyone. which is why his playoff and final goals mean so much to both of us.
With the relegation when we were at our lowest and the way the club recovered will be eternally etch in our minds along with you guys, as although some might not understand it has given us hope and allowed us to grieve in a positive way for Ann-Marie Irene, but most importantly for me ,you have helped my wife and given her hope for the future(wendy life has been horrific, but even worse was Ann-Marie Irenes dad's first words were i aint got no money) , wendy has said what everyone did has made her feel incredibly happy and relieved just a bit of her stress, she also said she now understands my wittering on about my gas family,and she feels (we both do) incredibly content privileged and happy to be part of the gas family.
as for my depression it's still pishing i off, have more down days than ups, shake like a donkey carrying an elephant so cant do much technical stuff, but i have the support of Wendy (,and you guys, which helps get through the days, some days i manage to do bits and pieces but it does take its toll by giving a bigger down..
Some days all i do is cry i cant help it ,it just happens, somedays i lock myself away from everyone, On matchdays it gets too much to cope with and i mostly end up taking either a stanley knife,razor blade or scalpel to my face, as the meds make you feel dead inside and i cut myself to feel pain as if i hurt and bleed im human right(very hard for a lot of people to understand) but even in my darkest hours i make sure i give Wendy a hug and tell her i love her,as believe me i know how incredibly hard it is for Wendy to look after me, on my good days i do as much as i can for Wendy.
So there it is the last year and a bit in a post, if you've have read the above and know anyone who is going through similar please make sure you get them help, if all of a sudden someone you know starts to withdraw themselves , or even start getting shabby ie dirty clothes , unwashed etc Get them help, as ifd it gets to the self neglect stage it's still not to late to intervene.
This brings me upto date on where i am in life and where im going, look after yer sprogs because believe me theres absolutely nothing worse that have that child not wake up one morning, If you know someone who is suffering any of the above just chat to em , try not to get carried away with helping ,no disrespect intended to anyone, the best help you can give is to allow them to pish and moan in your ear, if they get into and argument with you and start effing and blinding ,let them vent.
Remember when you hit rock bottom and have to start again posetions mean fuc k all
I have vented a few times in PM's to others and am grateful that i was allowed to as it helped me.
As wend n i keep saying, we feel so privileged and lucky to have our gas family, forever indebted to you all for the help you along with wendy have given me to stay alive. it's a debt i cannot ever repay but if just one person gets helped or comforted by this post ,then myself and you guys should feel incredibly proud.
We love each and everyone of you( in a very non gay way)
forever in your debt inee and wendy
May 18, 2015 15:22:08 GMT 1 Centenary Gas said:
Sometimes you need to hit rock bottom...
Never a truer word spoken fella, as a lot of people know i thought i'd hit rock bottom 6 or so years back when my breakdown was in full swing, but i really hit rock bottom on 13-3-2014 when we lost our Ann-Marie Irene, it's been a long slog the past year or so, when the only way i could think of to end our pain was by joining her, you guys came through for me and wendy for that we are eternally grateful and can never ever repay the debt we owe to everyone.
Especially JTS to have him come to the house with a card and stuff so we could bury her in quaters with the club flag on her coffin was something that actually saved my life, and saved wendy from more pain.
i've never made any secret of my mental state rather ive shared it with my gas family on the O/S and here just for the simple reason if it strikes a chord with you or someone you know get fu cking help and fast, it's not poofy in fact it's the most sensible thing you can do.
We were on our hunches before she died(for those who have followed our posts i can now say Ann-Marie Irene actually died from a massive and violent epelectic fit, even if we were with her we could have done nothing, We were lucky(please dont judge us on that statement till you have read the next bit) as things panned out Ann-Marie Irene gave all of us a good night kiss, and told us she loved us, like she did every night, she even gave her brother a kiss and cuddle she said i love you but yer still a git. she was also in constant pain she would always say im not hurting ,but her eyes told a different story. Why were we lucky unlike many parents or even anyone who has lost someone close ,we got to say i love you , she died at home not in a strange place ,and finally in her short 21 years she was free of pain for the first time ever, i also managed to bring her home before what would have been her 22nd birthday ,was sh**ting myself as to wether i did the right thing, but wendy has said it helped her so much, we had no money due to me being out of work due to mental health issues
I have a very warped gallows sense of humour and found it amusing when we were thrown out of an undertakers, yes really, so we phoned the one on Glos rd and asked what could we do, we were told to contact canford, and had to have a paupers funeral, which turned out to be unbelievably good for me and wendy as the help offered was nothing short of amazing, ive included the last bit so if it should happen to someone you know there is a way out.
As for the funeral it went so well that Wendy was happy(wrong choice of words but i hope you know what i mean, a couple of people with scarves turnt up, but they were gone before we could get to speak to them (whoever it was thank you).
So what has it got to do with rovers, this coincided with an all time low for our club, it was the one thing me and Wendy had to cling on too during the worst moments of both our lives, everyone who sent well wishes Pm's donated etc ,will be in our hearts forever and im know for a fact that Ann-Marie would be both happy and overwhelmed for what you did for her mum, also have to thank BSS , i got contacted by brian and had hospitality for a match we couldn't have been treated any better by the club , Barry became our wine waiter, thanks Barry, we were set to leave then invited into box 1. it was a surreal moment that will live with Wendy forever, we were set to walk home but were told we would be taken home. and again we are grateful.
The FFS not only help with stuff for her burial but also invited us to an FFS do, we were in two minds whether to go but we are both glad we did, i did make a prick of myself by crying several times but everyone of you made us feel welcome and for me the killer from that day was when we were going home Wendy said she had never seen so much love and friendliness given too her in her life before, again you guys n gals couldn't imagine what effect that had on Wendy and her ability to start coping, and because Wendy had a little bit of her pain removed it allowed me to look forward instead of too the ground.
I still feel incredibly guilty and always will even though i could not do anything, i made Ann-Marie Irene a promise that as long as i was alive she would be safe, and no one would ever hurt her in anyway again(long story im not going into but although im technically her stepdad, she was my DAUGHTER end of. and feel that i dint keep my promise.
The FFS also sponsored Matt Taylor's away shirt in her memory again we are so grateful as everytime Taylor scored or got involved in a goal build up it felt as if She was sat with us, thanks again everyone. which is why his playoff and final goals mean so much to both of us.
With the relegation when we were at our lowest and the way the club recovered will be eternally etch in our minds along with you guys, as although some might not understand it has given us hope and allowed us to grieve in a positive way for Ann-Marie Irene, but most importantly for me ,you have helped my wife and given her hope for the future(wendy life has been horrific, but even worse was Ann-Marie Irenes dad's first words were i aint got no money) , wendy has said what everyone did has made her feel incredibly happy and relieved just a bit of her stress, she also said she now understands my wittering on about my gas family,and she feels (we both do) incredibly content privileged and happy to be part of the gas family.
as for my depression it's still pishing i off, have more down days than ups, shake like a donkey carrying an elephant so cant do much technical stuff, but i have the support of Wendy (,and you guys, which helps get through the days, some days i manage to do bits and pieces but it does take its toll by giving a bigger down..
Some days all i do is cry i cant help it ,it just happens, somedays i lock myself away from everyone, On matchdays it gets too much to cope with and i mostly end up taking either a stanley knife,razor blade or scalpel to my face, as the meds make you feel dead inside and i cut myself to feel pain as if i hurt and bleed im human right(very hard for a lot of people to understand) but even in my darkest hours i make sure i give Wendy a hug and tell her i love her,as believe me i know how incredibly hard it is for Wendy to look after me, on my good days i do as much as i can for Wendy.
So there it is the last year and a bit in a post, if you've have read the above and know anyone who is going through similar please make sure you get them help, if all of a sudden someone you know starts to withdraw themselves , or even start getting shabby ie dirty clothes , unwashed etc Get them help, as ifd it gets to the self neglect stage it's still not to late to intervene.
This brings me upto date on where i am in life and where im going, look after yer sprogs because believe me theres absolutely nothing worse that have that child not wake up one morning, If you know someone who is suffering any of the above just chat to em , try not to get carried away with helping ,no disrespect intended to anyone, the best help you can give is to allow them to pish and moan in your ear, if they get into and argument with you and start effing and blinding ,let them vent.
Remember when you hit rock bottom and have to start again posetions mean fuc k all
I have vented a few times in PM's to others and am grateful that i was allowed to as it helped me.
As wend n i keep saying, we feel so privileged and lucky to have our gas family, forever indebted to you all for the help you along with wendy have given me to stay alive. it's a debt i cannot ever repay but if just one person gets helped or comforted by this post ,then myself and you guys should feel incredibly proud.
We love each and everyone of you( in a very non gay way)
forever in your debt inee and wendy