Not sure if I am allowed to do this but here we go copied for easy read....
SHEIKH’S ALIVE! Bristol Rovers chairman Nick Higgs has been schmoozing the oil-rich Arabs of Bahrain to see if he can entice some investment into the club.
Mr Higgs has been saying for some time that Rovers would welcome new financial input while insisting that the club itself isn’t for sale.
I wonder, though, having witnessed foreign parties get involved with other British sides, whether these tycoons wouldn’t want to stamp their own mark on the club before parting with their dinars.
I guess some Rovers fans will be happy with any scenario if it catapults us into the black and helps launch us back up the football pyramid. Sometimes, though, you have to be careful what you wish for.
Having seen the anguish that followers of Blackburn, Hull, Leeds, Cardiff City and Birmingham have been put through over the years I would want to think very carefully before getting in bed with Bedouins or sharing centre stage with Sultans.
Knowing little about the traditions and ways of the Arab world, I thought it best to consult an expert. Here’s what Sheik A-Beginbowl predicts might happen at the Mem should Mr Higgs’ ambitious plan reach fruition.
“As-salaam alaykum (Peace Be upon You) and your wonderful club. We Bahrainis are the most liberal of the Arab states and are well known for our hospitable nature, which would make your club a fine acquisition for one of my buddies.
“Of course, we are very minded you call yourselves The Gas and that your many honourable supporters are known as Gasheads. I don’t envisage that to be a problem, to be honest, though maybe we would like to tweak it a tiny bit: I’m sure you won’t mind being called Oil Heads, or perhaps Well Heads.
“As for the clubs name: Rovers. Bit boring, isn’t it? Your nickname, though – the Pirates – is excellent, so how about the Bristol Pirates? That has a certain ring to it.
“Come to think of it, those blue and white quarters you wear look a bit old fashioned to me; to forge a better bond with your new investor you might like to consider changing to red and white halves, with five triangles down the middle to indicate the five pillars of Islam. In fact, pretty much like our national flag.
“Oh, a note of warning. My fellow countrymen are renowned the world over for their business acumen, but if they have one slightly unfortunate tendency it is that they aren’t particularly hot on time keeping. So if when you organise your games you could say something like, kick off anytime between 3 and 6.15, I am sure your new owner, sorry partner, would be most grateful. It means he can deal with all his important business before the pleasure of going to the game.
“Another small thing. We aren’t particularly keen on your booze culture, so we would quite like your supporters not to sing songs that contain the word cider. If we could substitute anything, we do love our coffee and have a particular liking for one spiked with Cardamon. We have a special name for it so if your supporters could oblige and sing “Drink Up thee Gahwa” I think you’ll find it fits quite nicely with the tune.
“Come to think of it, once your new benefactor arrives expect a lot of Bahrainians to adopt the Bristol Pirates as their team. Perhaps you might adjust your catering, ditch the pasties and serve up a nice helping of Hummus. OK?
“Lastly, it will be impressed on your players to keep their feet firmly on the ground at all times. The sole of the foot is traditionally considered unclean and any player showing it could be interpreted as doing it to intentionally insult your new investor.
“Just a few minor alterations, I think you’ll agree, but if you could implement them all over the next few weeks I’m sure you can look forward to a long and prosperous relationship. Allah yisullmak (may God protect you).”
Nick Rippington is a journalist working on national newspapers in London. He has been an ardent fan of Bristol Rovers for 47 years, seeing them through the highs of promotion under Don Megson, Gerry Francis and Paul Trollope as well as many painfully remembered lows. He is currently working on his first novel, a thriller called Crossing The Whitewash, which he intends to publish this year. Follow his progress on his website:
buckrippers.wix.com/theripperfile or catch up with nick at @nickripp on twitter.
