The most you've ever needed to..
Sept 10, 2023 19:39:08 GMT
via mobile
Russgas, purdownpoacher1, and 1 more like this
Post by gasheadowen on Sept 10, 2023 19:39:08 GMT
Poo.
Not Rovers related in the slightest but might be some good stories to make me laugh after a traumatic afternoon.
The Mrs wanted to go to the Marks and Sparks up Longwell Green earlier, I did everything in my power to get out of it, but I can't really lie I'm under the thumb.
Could feel a poo coming on before we left, but assumed I could ride it out, my Mrs was ready to leave the house and if id gone for one at home she'd have found a job to do and it wouldve been an hour before we were out the house and i wanted to get the trip over with.
It really started to come on as we were on the Ring Road, it wasn't too bad when driving at 40+mph, but when stationery at traffic lights it was agony. I was clenching as much as I could but I felt like a 11 stone bloke trying to single handedly scrummage against the full all blacks pack.
Trying to park was carnage, no one has a clue about one way systems and you have to have eyes in the back of your head not to crash your car.
I eventually admitted the predicament to my Mrs and once parked started trying to power walk towards the store, it was like a scientific equation trying to work out the sweet spot of walking fast enough to get closer to the nirvana of the toilet, yet not so fast I'd lose control of buttocks.
As soon as I entered the store I couldn't see the signs to the toilet anyway, I think the situation had given me massive brain fog, I was sweating like a pig enroute to an abattoir whilst I asked a spotty youth shop assistant for directions. He pointed it out, that 200 meters felt like the Great North Run, I wiped my brow and breathed heavily as I entered the toilet, all 3 cubicles were engaged.
Literally no idea what all 3 in there were doing, they probably only left me jumping on the spot outside for 30 seconds but it felt like hours.
Eventually I got in there and let it all out and honestly it was in the top ten moments of my life.
Thanks for listening lads
Not Rovers related in the slightest but might be some good stories to make me laugh after a traumatic afternoon.
The Mrs wanted to go to the Marks and Sparks up Longwell Green earlier, I did everything in my power to get out of it, but I can't really lie I'm under the thumb.
Could feel a poo coming on before we left, but assumed I could ride it out, my Mrs was ready to leave the house and if id gone for one at home she'd have found a job to do and it wouldve been an hour before we were out the house and i wanted to get the trip over with.
It really started to come on as we were on the Ring Road, it wasn't too bad when driving at 40+mph, but when stationery at traffic lights it was agony. I was clenching as much as I could but I felt like a 11 stone bloke trying to single handedly scrummage against the full all blacks pack.
Trying to park was carnage, no one has a clue about one way systems and you have to have eyes in the back of your head not to crash your car.
I eventually admitted the predicament to my Mrs and once parked started trying to power walk towards the store, it was like a scientific equation trying to work out the sweet spot of walking fast enough to get closer to the nirvana of the toilet, yet not so fast I'd lose control of buttocks.
As soon as I entered the store I couldn't see the signs to the toilet anyway, I think the situation had given me massive brain fog, I was sweating like a pig enroute to an abattoir whilst I asked a spotty youth shop assistant for directions. He pointed it out, that 200 meters felt like the Great North Run, I wiped my brow and breathed heavily as I entered the toilet, all 3 cubicles were engaged.
Literally no idea what all 3 in there were doing, they probably only left me jumping on the spot outside for 30 seconds but it felt like hours.
Eventually I got in there and let it all out and honestly it was in the top ten moments of my life.
Thanks for listening lads
