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Post by Mark Ash on Oct 13, 2014 18:57:56 GMT
Bloody hell Big Jock. You come on here promising Jennifer Lawrence and deliver nowt! Get a grip ! Ah bollocks to it all, the mods will remove it anyway, here's your low key starter for ten...Ten bloody warning points i expect   In the interests of fairness i shall offer you an alternative, So Jennifer Lawrence pics (actress) or Jennifer Convertibles pics (Sofa beds, furniture etc)   Ok that is worth a Hello Jock. Hello Jock. |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2014 19:01:12 GMT
Ohh f...k. emergency guys, holy f...
She's bloody passed out, was it the cakes? Bloody hell i swear to god i didn't do anything, you guys....HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2014 19:03:26 GMT
You been using Rohypnol again?
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Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2014 19:04:30 GMT
Aw bless, I see you got her a couple of tickets for the game on Saturday and she has passed out with all the excitement.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2014 19:48:11 GMT
Emergency over phew! Apparently the cakes were undercooked in the middle,and she's really fussy what she eats.. Typical. Oh, and now we've had a massive row, she wants to know how she got undressed. FFS you try to help and now this, All i said was "oooh what you gonna do get yer bow and arrow out Catniss" and yes you guessed it...hissy fit and is now sat there with a face like a smacked ass. Stroppy cow. I said cheer up or i'll take yer photo and show the GasChat folk what a miserable sod you really are  |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2014 19:48:50 GMT
That's what I looked at when I ordered a Ford Phallus on ebay. Low milage and a bit rusty they said, needs a service they said.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2014 19:56:38 GMT
Emergency over phew! Apparently the cakes were undercooked in the middle,and she's really fussy what she eats.. Typical. Oh, and now we've had a massive row, she wants to know how she got undressed. FFS you try to help and now this, All i said was "oooh what you gonna do get yer bow and arrow out Catniss" and yes you guessed it...hissy fit and is now sat there with a face like a smacked ass. Stroppy cow. I said cheer up or i'll take yer photo and show the GasChat folk what a miserable sod you really are Big Jock, I feel your pain. My missus was a looker back in the day as well. Now her arse has it's own postcode. Being a caring sort of guy, I suggested she get herself down to the gym early on a Monday morning, and then her arse may join her by tea-time ! It didn't go down very well I can tell you. |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2014 19:59:57 GMT
Emergency over phew! Apparently the cakes were undercooked in the middle,and she's really fussy what she eats.. Typical. Oh, and now we've had a massive row, she wants to know how she got undressed. FFS you try to help and now this, All i said was "oooh what you gonna do get yer bow and arrow out Catniss" and yes you guessed it...hissy fit and is now sat there with a face like a smacked ass. Stroppy cow. I said cheer up or i'll take yer photo and show the GasChat folk what a miserable sod you really are Big Jock, I feel your pain. My missus was a looker back in the day as well. Now her arse has it's own postcode. Being a caring sort of guy, I suggested she get herself down to the gym early on a Monday morning, and then her arse may join her by tea-time ! It didn't go down very well I can tell you. Genuinely creased up at that mate, brilliant! |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2014 21:13:10 GMT
Update:
Well she didn't cheer up, so as i'm not one to muck about here's her stroppy photo:
The convo went a bit like this:
Me- Come on Katniss smile
Her - Get stuffed!
Her - And stop calling me Katniss
Me - Come on, you said something about the "Hunger Games", so i made cakes, i thought it was romantic
Her - Just shut up, your not funny
Me - I wasn't trying to be funny, ok so i forgot the meal beforehand, but i don't cook ffs
Her - I don't care, you took my photo when i passed out, idiot!
Me - i was trying to help, i thought someone on GasChat might be able to help.
Her - Pathetic, i hate you
Me - Of ffs, ive said i'm sorry, just give us a little smile, please....
Her - No, i'm Widdley and staying that way
Me - Ah have it your way..Get yer coat and bugger off then
...bloody fuming here.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2014 21:17:32 GMT
aaaaaand you just bought yourself a ticket to the gentleman's lounge.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2014 21:20:31 GMT
Wimmin eh, can't live without them, can't shoot them. You do as they ask but they're never happy. My missus told me to be more sexually active. I came home last night and told her I was and her name is Julie, a 35 year old blonde. The missus went apeshit but i've made it quite nice in the garden shed.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2014 8:35:48 GMT
Ok guy's, i haven't got long before he comes back, i dont know who or what you are but i need your help. JL  ![]() |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2014 13:29:03 GMT
Oi love, start cleaning that bloody wall! It's a disgrace.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2014 13:47:49 GMT
Anyway, the news is Jen's fine, she calmed down late last night and i tucked her up, she slept like an angel and if anything she's high as a kite now. so no drama. I need to say sorry about last night guys i just panicked a bit. I just want to assure you she's absolutely fine. Edit: There you go, she's watching telly bless her  |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2014 16:45:58 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2014 14:56:47 GMT
BJ (may I call you BJ?). What is your relationship with the delightful Ms JL? Are you together in a professional capacity, or is it more of a Josef Fritzl type of arrangement?
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Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2014 19:47:34 GMT
BJ (may I call you BJ?). What is your relationship with the delightful Ms JL? Are you together in a professional capacity, or is it more of a Josef Fritzl type of arrangement? You can call me what you want my friend, can i call you Nob for short seeing as we're acquaintances now? Ok, it's time to come clean. Jennifer came over mine (not literally) on Monday, she stayed for tea and after a few problems (you prob read earlier in thread) she stayed the night. I went to work and locked the door. This meant she could not leave as i live on third floor. When i returned i noticed my thread announcing my arrival on GasChat had been removed from the main section. Jennifer is unharmed and is quite enjoying her stay, but yes i suppose i am keeping her here. My demands are these: 1. Full immunity for any posts/threads i have over stepped the mark on. 2. This thread returned to the main GasWorks section. 3. Two tickets to the Forest Green Match including 2 meal deals. 4. £10,000 in cash. 5. I wanna cut the tape when UWE is opened. I will require a fully signed solicitors letter from our Chairman. 6. Your confidentiality and friendship. 7. A guarantee from the Owl Man that i will never be banned. Over to you, Get back to me......................................... |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2014 19:56:41 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2014 21:09:55 GMT
We don't negotiate with sexual terrorists.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 16, 2014 7:26:35 GMT
1. Full immunity for any posts/threads i have over stepped the mark on. - I'm not responsible.
2. This thread returned to the main GasWorks section. - I'm not responsible.
3. Two tickets to the Forest Green Match including 2 meal deals. - Not enough time.
4. £10,000 in cash. - I've only got 7k in loose change at the moment, sorry.
5. I wanna cut the tape when UWE is opened. I will require a fully signed solicitors letter from our Chairman. - I'm not responsible.
6. Your confidentiality and friendship. - I can do this !
7. A guarantee from the Owl Man that i will never be banned. - I'm not responsible.
Talking about confidentiality and friendship, I'll make sure I never mention to anyone else that incident you had with the lady dwarf, the stick of celery and the bucket of swarfega....and I'll never mention that drunken night you had in the Ladyboy Bar in Phuket. See, you can trust me. My lips are sealed. What goes on in the forum, stays in the forum.
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