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Post by Deleted on Oct 16, 2014 20:10:55 GMT
We don't negotiate with sexual terrorists. I do. Im willing to sacrifice myself on this mission lads. |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 16, 2014 20:12:09 GMT
We don't negotiate with sexual terrorists. I do. Im willing to sacrifice myself on this mission lads. Godspeed Hugo. |
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Post by Jon the Stripe on Oct 17, 2014 7:16:35 GMT
BJ (may I call you BJ?). What is your relationship with the delightful Ms JL? Are you together in a professional capacity, or is it more of a Josef Fritzl type of arrangement? You can call me what you want my friend, can i call you Nob for short seeing as we're acquaintances now? Ok, it's time to come clean. Jennifer came over mine (not literally) on Monday, she stayed for tea and after a few problems (you prob read earlier in thread) she stayed the night. I went to work and locked the door. This meant she could not leave as i live on third floor. When i returned i noticed my thread announcing my arrival on GasChat had been removed from the main section. Jennifer is unharmed and is quite enjoying her stay, but yes i suppose i am keeping her here. My demands are these: 1. Full immunity for any posts/threads i have over stepped the mark on. 2. This thread returned to the main GasWorks section. 3. Two tickets to the Forest Green Match including 2 meal deals. 4. £10,000 in cash. 5. I wanna cut the tape when UWE is opened. I will require a fully signed solicitors letter from our Chairman. 6. Your confidentiality and friendship. 7. A guarantee from the Owl Man that i will never be banned. Over to you, Get back to me......................................... Jock!, Jock! This is Federal Agent JTS. We need you to remain calm. Jock, this may not end well, but together with the help of other posters this can work out. Ok,the £10k is out of the question, its not gonna happen Jock, but i've pulled my sources and we can do £10, i'm awaiting a call from Mr Watola for clearance, bear with me. I've already talked to Nick Higgs and i think we can get a full letter of intent for you to officially open UWE. It's being drawn up as we speak. You've already got our friendship, we're here for you Jock. The Forest Green tickets etc are gonna have to wait my friend, we just need more time to raise the money. The rest is down to Hugo, i'm sure he can organise the rest. Relax Jock, and we're gonna need to know the girls ok, get her to post a selfie or something. Ok, Hugo "THE SITUATION SEEMS UNDER CONTROL, I REPEAT, THE SITUATION SEEMS UNDER CONTROL" |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2014 17:03:04 GMT
 There you go....She's fine, now sort out the rest of my demands! |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2014 17:45:14 GMT
BJ - If you fancy going out for a beer over the weekend I'd be more than happy to pop round and keep the delightful Ms JL company. I could bring a needle and thread with me as it looks like she has a few buttons missing.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2014 19:00:25 GMT
One more thing BJ mate. Take more care over the photos. If you look over JL's left shoulder, there is a small recess in the wall, and it looks as though your pink butt plug is on display.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2014 19:46:09 GMT
BJ - If you fancy going out for a beer over the weekend I'd be more than happy to pop round and keep the delightful Ms JL company. I could bring a needle and thread with me as it looks like she has a few buttons missing. Ok mate, that was just her robe anyway, i bought her a dress while i was out earlier, fits a treat, but she isn't keen on it, ungrateful little cow....  |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2014 19:54:31 GMT
I think you may need to turn the central heating up a notch or two.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2014 20:03:54 GMT
I think you may need to turn the central heating up a notch or two. Edit: Ha ha, i just joined the thread and thought it was a post a leaked photo thread, just read the rest, ha ha ha. Let her go ffs!!!  Two can play that game Jocky! |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2014 20:09:09 GMT
So does anything go in "The Lounge" then?
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Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2014 20:23:53 GMT
So does anything go in "The Lounge" then? More or less. There are still some rules.... |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2014 21:29:18 GMT
Ha ha, what a nihgt that girl can do some drinnking.............and still is. We're bolloxed he ha , Night chapes
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Post by Deleted on Oct 18, 2014 10:19:42 GMT
Ha ha, what a nihgt that girl can do some drinnking.............and still is. We're bolloxed he ha , Night chapes Soz guys, these were private nips that she didn't want out there. I have retained a copy for my personal records for um....reference. ahem. |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 18, 2014 10:36:02 GMT
Cheers H, we were smashed, didn't know what we were doing. She's now woke up and is behaving like a naughty girl, i can't believe i'm saying this but she wants to come to the game!  I Told her straight, sod off - No Chance! |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 20, 2014 12:08:22 GMT
BJ, does she have a good sense of humour? I thought I'd ask because I played a little game with my missus last night. When she was asleep, I gently removed her tampax and replaced it with a party popper, leaving the string hanging out of course. Well, this morning in the bathroom I can report she had a massive 'sense of humour failure'. I dunno, but you try and bring a little bit of sunshine into their lives...........
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2014 20:46:21 GMT
My wife is helping 2 guys from her evening class study for their exams.
They came round last night and went up to our bedroom to study. From her screams of "yes, yes. Yes" they seemed to have got all of the questions right.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 26, 2014 17:25:27 GMT
My misses just found out that I've replaced our bed with a trampoline.
She hit the roof.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2014 11:11:03 GMT
I pulled a heavy duty munter last night down Chasers. f**k me she looked like she'd been ducking for apples in a chip pan...had more hands up her than Sooty...been set on fire & put out with a Cricket bat...got a face that could make an onion cry... so big I couldn't ride her into battle...seen more japs eyes than an oriental optician...a face like a stuntmans knee...a nose like a blind cobblers thumb...a fanny like a yawning donkey...so ugly not even a sniper would take her out...been shot over more times than Sarejevo...has a pair of flaps on her like a Wizards sleeve...been cocked more times than Elmer Fudd's shotgun...an arse like a bag of spanners...a belly bigger than Santa Claus...
Still, at the end of the day, a shags a shag!
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Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2014 11:18:53 GMT
My misses just found out that I've replaced our bed with a trampoline. She hit the roof. My missus just rang me from work. "You bastard!", she shouted down the phone. "You've given me crabs!". "oi oi hang on", I said, "have a word with your sister before you start blaming me!" |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2014 11:25:44 GMT
Lying in bed facing the wife, I looked into her eyes and said, ''Looking at your face reminds me of the lottery'' ? She replied ''You mean I am worth millions'' ! I said ''No, I wish you'd flipin roll over''
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